Over the past 2 years I've often found myself dwelling on one small detail of my brother Cody's death. There is one question that keeps looming in my mind....one little thing that can bring me to tears faster than anything else....
"What was going through his mind in those last few minutes when he made the horrible decision to end his life?"
It basically brings me to this: There are people all around us who are suffering. People that feel left out. Who are sad and lonely. Uncomfortable with who they are. They long to feel included. To feel accepted for who they are. There are people who feel like things would be better and easier if they simple weren't around. How sad is that? These are people that we know and love and associate with on a daily basis. So what are we doing about it?
Just something to think about....
I've been researching suicide the past few weeks. I've been reading articles and studies that have been done. I'm saddened by what I've found. I was stunned to find out that Utah has the highest suicide rate out of all 51 states....and has for years. Aren't we supposed to be a happy, loving people? A people that prides themselves in reaching out to others in service and in kindness? Clearly something is wrong! Are we putting too much pressure on our kids at a young age? Are we too judgemental and critcal of other people? Do we feel too much pressure to be perfect? To keep up with the Jones'? Are we so competitive in everything we do that we forget to be Christ like? Are we spending enough time teaching our children to be kind to others. To treat other people how they want to be treated? Are we teaching our children to go out of their way to make someones day a little brighter...and little happier. Do we remind them every morning when they leave for school to be Christ-like? Do we teach them that they are important?
That they are loved....even when they do really stupid things?
Do we set a good example for them?
South Dakota has the lowest suicide rate. Then Hawaii. What in the world does South Dakota have? I mean, I get Hawaii....but South Dakota?!?! Maybe we all need to take a vacation there and figure it out.....then bring whatever it is back to Utah.
Just another thought.....
Today I rejoice knowing in our Heavenly Fathers plan for us. I know that familes can be together forever, and I know that we have a Father in Heaven who knows us....who loves us....and who is there for us.
Today I miss Cody. I miss his smile. His laugh. His kind, soft heart. I miss the opportunity to be a better friend and a better sister to him. I miss him playing with my kids. I miss the feeling of completeness when our family is together.
On a lighter side......
I may be a little biased, but I'm fairly sure my brother and I were quite possibly the cutest kids to ever exist in the 1980's.....
see for yourself:
8 comments:
Thanks for making me cry like a baby... oh I miss him so much! I love you, you are such an incredible sister, wife and mom!
Yes, you two were the cutest kids EVER! I want you to know I have been thinking about you all day today. Sending you, and all your family, my love, thoughts and prayers. XOXOXO
I am not going to argue...you are clearly the two cutest kids of the 80s.
Hugs friend! Hugs for you family. Prayers, comfort, support and love ongoing.
I loved your post. I love the thoughts you have...often times I find myself thinking the same things. I sure hope I can create a loving atmosphere much like the one you described where my children feel safe and loved as well as willing to reach out to others. Thank you for sharing your thoughts! xoxo
p.s. You two ARE the cutest kids ever!! And of course your outfits rock!
julie ;)
Chiara,
What a touching post. I hate what your family is going through but thank you for helping all of us grow from it. Love you all. And your pics are too cute for words.
Chiara- I just love you. And you are so, so cute. I think you look like Macks, or Macks looks like you. And I am sorry about Cody, that you have to celebrate this kind of anniversary. It sucks.
How incredibly adorable are you and sweet Cody! My thoughts and prayers are going your way. My life is so much better by having you in it. And the greatest of all is reconnecting with my Yodie Yode! Love you all!
So sweet Chiara.... Suicide has hurt my family too. It is seriously the hardest pain we had to endure. I was a child when our family suffered through it and didnt really understand WHY.... It pains me when I hear about people being so sad, hurt, angry, alone etc etc that they feel the only way OUT is to harm themself. So sad, and tragic. I worked at Utah valley regional when I was in college, and I brought food to the Pychiatric floor.... and I saw SO many "good people" that were so so so sad. After talking to a few when I would "take their orders" they would tell me "I am really not a freak, I just didnt know what else to do" Fear of telling their parents they are gay, pre marital sex, failed a class, kicked out of school etc etc.... REALLY? all of those things are "fixable". Breaks my heart when I hear how high of a suicide rate we have here.... so many people trying to be GOOD, and when they arent perfect... so sad....I am sure Your sweet brother is watching over you and glad to see all the wonderful things you and your family has done for suicide prevention and awareness. You are wonderful!
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