~BABIES~

Everywhere I turn someone is pregnant. SEVEN babies are due in my extended family within 3 months. That's pure insanity. The very best kind of insanity of course, but insanity nevertheless! I see pictures of babies all over Facebook. Marley points, yells, runs, "pets" them via the computer monitor and softly says,
"My baby!" It's sweet. It makes my heart skip a beat.

I love babies. Brand new babies. Every inch of their soft, scrunched, heavenly smelling, purring, fuzzy little balls of goodness. If I could have things my way, all my children would have been frozen on day 2 of their little life. And yes, had they stayed frozen I still would have kept having more. 4 newborns wouldn't phase me. Give me 6 newborns. Heck, I'll take 10!!
Or so I like to think....

Earlier this year weird things were happening to my body. I tried to ignore them. But they were there. And they were annoying. Annoying enough that this "I refuse to go to the doctors unless I'm dying" girl made a stupid doctors appointment to figure out what was wrong. Tests were done and the phone call came. "You're smack dab in the middle of full blown menopause" was my answer. Well, that wasn't the exact wording, but it was the bottom line. The way the nurse said it and how I absorbed the information is a whole *nother story in and of itself....but I'll save that for a rainy day.

Laying in bed that night the tears came. Poor husband was confused. "I thought we were done? You've been so sure about it?" I WAS so sure about it. I feel like my 4 little angels are it. I love them dearly. I feel complete. Giving away my baby clothes and baby paraphernalia to my sister and sister-in-law that are pregnant is like Christmas morning when you are 5. Not even kidding. They might get annoyed with me constantly sharing my ever-so-wise knowledge on the baby making, baby birthing, baby care advice. I like to think I know it all. And I like to think my ways/ideas are the best ways. The only ways. But that shouldn't surprise anyone that knows me. Unfortunately.

I could go get a second opinion. Be tested again. I could try all sorts of fancy natural things to curtail the symptoms or stop them all together. But I'm not. Because it's ok. I'm ok. I don't think I'll ever be happy to be done with my child bearing years. Not after 1 baby, not after 4 babies, and not after 10 babies. Because I love babies. I love being pregnant. I love giving birth. I love sleepless nights nursing. I love wiping little poopy bums. I love being woken up by soft little grunting sounds.
I love every. single. minute. of. it.

I think what my problem is.....is that I want to be 20 years old and starting all over again. Just to do it again. Because I loved it that much. That baby phase....(sigh)......oh how I loved the baby phase. (is this a mid-life crisis? Someone who's been through it before...please tell me...)

But then again.....as I'm typing I hear my sweet 10 year old upstairs emptying the dishwasher. Without being asked. He came to me a few minutes after he went to bed last night. Fighting back the tears. "I'm sorry I didn't do anything really nice for you on your birthday today," he said. "I'm really, really sorry." I held him. His tears fell. I told him that birthdays are stupid when you get old and that I didn't need for him to do something extra special for me that specific day. I told him that he does nice special things for me every day in the way he treats his siblings, and in the way he helps out around the house, and in the way he listens and minds...and THAT is what I love the very best. He smiled. My heart skipped a beat. I think I just might love this phase too. This big kid phase.....

Baby....or ten years old....I'll take it. I love them.
Please and thank you.

PLUS, I like to look at it this way.....I'll be 48 when Marley moves out of the house. Bill will be a mere 51. We will be young footloose and fancy free empty nesters and we will buy matching Harley's and cruise the country together in black leather, temporary tattoos, and matching bandanna's.
Oh what I have to look forward to!!

Either that or we'll serve 5 missions and pay our children to have lots of grand babies for us. Yah, I like that idea better.

p.s. mega blog posts in the works. Summer has been crazy wonderful and I haven't had 2 seconds of time. Plus Marley has a magical way of ruining every second of my planned computer time.....

*I so know that "nother" is not a word. But it should be.

The End.

And P.P.S - my 2 nieces better hurry up and get here so I can kiss their necks, babysit them every day, and have naps with them!!