Blogging in Heaven

If Heaven is anything like I imagine it being....there WILL be blogging....and most likely facebook too. I mean, how else are we going to communicate with each other up there? ;)-

I'm hoping my brother Cody will get to read this.

My dearest Cody,

I don't know where to begin really. It has been one week ago this morning that I got the call from Colter telling me what had happened and to get up to mom and dad's as fast as possible. There have been so many emotions.....too many actually. Too many emotions that don't go together. You shouldn't have to feel broken hearted, anger, and peace all at the same time. Today I feel numb. I feel like I'm going to wake up tomorrow and realize all of this was just a bad dream. It just doesn't seem real.

I wish more than anything that I knew what was going through your mind in those last few minutes of your life. I wish there was something I could have said....could have done....that would have made a difference. I wonder if I could have been more in tune with the spirit and could have sensed how much you were really struggling on the inside....and then done something about it.

There is a part of me that hopes you can see the pain you've caused. I hope you saw Madden laying on his bed last night, long after he was supposed to be asleep, looking at a picture of you with his flashlight and crying silent tears. I hope you felt the pain that I did while I watched him through the crack in the door. I hope you can see your dog pacing around the house, looking out the window whining and waiting for you to come home. I hope you can see mom and dad as they struggle with feelings of guilt and sleepless nights.

But then again, I wouldn't wish that upon my worst enemy. The other part of me hopes more than anything that you CAN'T see us or feel the pain we are going through. That part of me hopes that you are at peace. That you are free of the mental pain and anguish you felt here on earth. That you are wrapped in the arms of your Savior and are happier than you've ever been.

Cody, I love you. I love you unconditionally. I've always loved you. (Even when you wouldn't walk on the same side of the street with me when we walked to school because in your words I was "too happy in the mornings." hahaha!) If I could, I would put my arms around you and give you a huge hug and a big kiss on the cheek. But because I physically cant, I do so in spirit and rely on our Savior to do it for me. I pray that you embrace him back...that you feel of his atoning sacrifice.....and that you know only He can wipe away your remorse and right all your wrongs, and return you to be with our family forever. I hope you are doing whatever it takes to continue to progress and make this happen.

I promise you that I will do the same thing here. Give Aunt Jan, Grandpa Gordon, and Cousin Greg a hug for me. XOXOXO

All my love,
Your favorite sister, Chiara

Click here to view his obituary