but anyhow - I currently have one prized possession. One thing that I love more than anything. One thing that I will guard and protect come hell or high water.
MY CRECHE
The healing process is a bizarre thing really. None of it makes sense. At least not to me. How can you heal when you have no answers? Why do you beat yourself up over things that you can't change? Why do you let little things that you have no control over consume your thoughts? Why do you feel guilty when you don't think about him, yet when you do think about him you still feel guilty? See what I mean? None of it makes sense.
I wish so badly that I could get the word "WHY" out of my mind...out of my vocabulary. I hate it. But it's there. Some days it consumes me. I'm the type that wants answers.....hard, concrete, evidence, proof. AND add on top of that the fact that I'm super impatient and I don't want to wait for it. I always thought having faith was easy. Not so much anymore.
This song by Rascal Flatts puts words to my feelings quite nicely:
"You must have been in a place so dark
You couldn't feel the light
Reaching for you through that stormy cloud
Now here we are gathered in our little home town
This can't be the way you meant to draw a crowd
Oh why, that's what I keep asking
Was there anything I could have said or done
Oh I had no clue you were masking a troubled soul
God only knows what went wrong
and why you'd leave the stage in the middle of a song
Now the oak trees a swaying in the early autumn breeze
The golden sun is shining on my face
Tangled thoughts I hear the mocking bird sing
this old world really aint that bad a place
Oh I....there's no comprehending
and who am i to try judge or explain
But I do have one burning question
Who told you life wasn't worth the fight
They were wrong
They lied
Now you're gone and we cry
Its just not like you to walk away in the middle of a song
Your beautiful song"
It's been 9 months Cody. I love you! XOXOX
14 comments:
That creche is amazing!
We love you Chiara and wish we could give you big hugs!
Oh Babe, I was crying this morning reading Cody's blog. I miss him so much. I hate that he is gone and that there are so many unanswered questions. This really sucks doesn't it?
Wow that amazing. What a special remembrance of your brother that you will always have.
How neat is that....what a cool thing to have made by him...and to have a little piece of him in your home for Christmas each year.
I bet he never knew how much it would mean. It really is beautiful. I wish I could take the "why" away.
I love you. And Cody. And Jesus.
I just zoomed in on the photo. Your creche is truly beautiful. Dear, talented Coco....
So amazing that kid. Love you!
Ah, War.... He was so talented. He could do anything. I always knew he could help me fix ANYTHING. I cry constanly thinking about how he isn't here to make my house beautiful. He would have worked his magic and it would have been amazing. Love you.
p.s. Wasn't it nine months ago?
Dear Chiara-
Even in your impatience you are being helped andcomforted...little by little, hang on to that. It will become easier-don't know if you will know why, until we are done here-Love, Marvalyn
ahhh i miss him. and i hate he is gone. that song makes me cry every time. love you war
I needed a good cry. I think the why is the hardest part. But I do think that you are handling all of it with grace, which is so you. You're my favorite!
It is so beautiful. I am glad you have a treasure to remember him with. I love you.
Love you, Chiara! Cherish what you have of him - not only this beautiful handywork .. but your memories!
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